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Overstepping Family Members

For those of you who do not know, I live with my 82-year-old father. I've lived with him for a long long long time. Sometimes I feel I've always lived with him. *sighs*

When I had my heart attack and was in the hospital for 6 days my father took it upon himself to go into my room and throw out my cigarettes, my ashtray, my perfectly good blanket, and also gathered up all the clothes I had in a basket and took those clothes to... not to a laundromat service... but to a dry cleaner.




The ellipsis above (times 3) is my reaction to all of this when I got home. What followed was me yelling quite a bit. My father has always done this kind of thing but I thought I broke him of that years ago. He used to gather up my clothes and take them to be dry cleaned when I was out to work or out of town... then present me with the bill. Most of my clothes, the vast majority of what I wear, are not dry clean only clothes. It used to drive me mad, let me tell you!

This time he tossed out my cigarettes and ashtray. That ticked me off. He tossed out a blanket I had for many years that was in perfect condition and replaced it with a completely different new comforter, which I don't care for. It is not a blanket, it is a comforter. Not the same thing at all.

The clothes he took to the dry cleaner were mostly pants that I had put in a basket because I needed to have them repaired. The other things he took the dry cleaner were basic shirts, tee-shirts, and sweat pants. Sweat pants! $79 dollars in dry cleaning and the bill was presented to me. I told him it was his treat because I was not going to pay for something I never asked him to take in.

I also made him give me the $20 for the cigarettes. I should have had him take the comforter back and give me the money for the blanket and ashtray, but those were both old so I can't do more than complain.

I know he thought he was doing me a favor, but to me it was not a favor. It was an intrusion. He used to do this kind of thing all the time and me and my family have had to pay the price. Oh, when he had money he used to do some things like this and never ask for money. Now that he is on a fixed income he wants that money for doing something you never asked him for. Like borrowing my or my sister's car and noticing there is a problem with 2 or more tires and deciding on his own to have them replaced and then presenting you with the bill and putting his hand out for the money.


You know how to break people like that of the habit? Refuse to pay them. It won't stop them from going into your area and looking around, but it will stop them from doing too much that will cost you money. It is an intrusion, not a favor. It is a busy-body thing, not a favor. It is unwanted and unasked for help that is not help at all, nor a favor.


If you are one of this kind of person, you are not appreciated. Don't do anything without asking the person first. We might smile with gritted teeth and thank you, but behind that smile we are fuming. We don't appreciate it and actually hate it. If we wanted it done we'd have done it ourselves or asked for that help. We never asked for it. Don't do, touch, move, or take, anything, ever. Ever!

Ah. Well. Steam blown for now.



( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 23rd, 2016 11:02 pm (UTC)
Oh my...
I'd be furious... to say the least!!!

I hope you can settle now and 'continue on the process' of healing and dealing with the 'issues'.


Feb. 24th, 2016 01:43 pm (UTC)
Re: Oh my...
Yes. I am mostly over it. I think dad has learned his lesson... until he forgets again. LOL!
Feb. 26th, 2016 10:45 pm (UTC)
They say they do these things out of kindness but like you said it's a intrusion because they don't bother to make sure that you agree with whatever they decided about your life/things before they do it.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )